I’m grieving today. I’m grieving a relationship that ended over a year ago, that I didn’t process at the time, because processing feelings is hard and uncomfortable.
Now those feelings are coming back up and it’s hard and uncomfortable this time around too, and I’m not loving it—but I am looking forward to going to practice later and fencing. Fencing has always been a way to take my mind off hard things in my life—almost always, I should say.
There have been a few times it wasn’t—instead it became the hard thing, the stressor, the thing I needed a break from. It wasn’t based on the amount I was training, or the level I was competing at, or how much I was traveling. It was those times when I was putting pressure on myself to do more, to train harder, to get better results.
Whenever I started treating fencing as a job I *had* to do instead of a way to challenge myself, grow, and find joy in movement—that was when my love of the sport evaporated like water in the desert.
And, it didn’t work. Putting pressure on myself to train more never got me better results. I loved fencing—I was always training as much as I could. As soon as I had the thought “I should do more” it meant I was about to stretch myself too thin, and lose the energy, the fire, that helped me to achieve the great results I enjoyed at times.
So, train lots, fence hard, throw yourself into it with a passion . . . but watch out for that voice saying ‘do more’—in my experience, it’s the worst kind of lie.
Written August 4, 2023
P.S.
Unrelated to the above, I have a YouTube channel and I’m posting bad videos (almost) every day! The only rule is, they have to be bad.
So, if you’re looking for good content . . . I dunno if I can help you; but if you want to see my random thoughts (usually pertaining to mental training) then absolutely subscribe.
Keep sharp!